I’m a woman who has experienced that weight loss enabled me to open a doorway to my world of Living & Loving ALL of ME.  

I’ve helped myself and now would love to share  the mindset, creativity and tools for you to open your own doorway.  Inspiring you to not only lose weight or boost body confidence but to love yourself intimately like never before.

To understand how I came to open this doorway it would help you to first understand how I came to be in the place I am now.

I will preface this with sharing that my mum did the best she could with who she was and what she had in raising me. I am very appreciative to her for all she did for me.

So let’s begin, I was brought up in a bubble of overprotection, and mistrust of the world, which helped to create a deep-seated mistrust of myself. That bubble burst when I was orphaned at 17 years old.

My mum died from long-term kidney disease. I should add that my mother had been  a  single mum since I was born and although I met my dad once, it was through a closed door when I was 6.  He told he didn’t want to see me because he was too unwell, this was my only experience of him.  Thus at 17 I was left on my own in a world I knew nothing about, I had my fantasies and my imagination, but that was all.

Yet in this bubble, you’d think I was safe, I wasn’t. At a very young age I had older men ogle me and look at me because I looked different.  You see my mum was Filopina and my dad was a Russian Jew. So I felt very vulnerable and exposed because I didn’t fit in to a particular “look” and had this exotic beauty with which I didn’t know how to own as my own.

Throughout my life I have had many incidences, which made me uncomfortable within my own skin, as early as 15 I had to get a restraining order on a family friend who was sexually inappropriate with me.  Not only did his behaviour towards me frighten me but it rocked the community within which I existed.

When my mother passed away my bubble burst and it was traumatic.  My fantasy world and reality crashed together. I found myself trapped in a domestically violent relationship at 17, I wanted to overdose on pills, yet worried how my kidneys would suffer and so I didn’t. I terminated a pregnancy and got a restraining order against the same said boy, all before I finished high school. Welcome to adulthood.

I used sex with him as a form of currency for love even though it didn’t seem great or feel good and there was so much shame around it.

My world was turned upside down, inside out and back to front. NOTHING MADE SENSE.

In all of this, I felt unworthy, not good enough and was desperately seeking belonging, love and connection.

I had no idea how to be a woman, a co-creatrix in her power, in her magnificence or in her beauty.

I wore baggy clothes, cut my hair really short and thought all women who wore make up and revealing, flattering clothing were sluts and asked for what violation they got.

After all this I threw myself into sport, calorie counting, food deprivation and binge eating. Fitness training to the point of exhaustion because I thought that it would take the pain away, the hurt, the guilt, the shame and the blame.

Little did I know at the time that it was fuelling the mistrust of the world and of myself.  I thought if I could get control of my body and what I ate that would make me feel better, it didn’t.

Weight Loss was not the answer, it was the doorway.

Let me say this again weight loss was not the answer, it was a doorway. Yet I hadn’t found what I was seeking …

Until I stumbled upon a connection so deep and wide the connection was subtle, gentle and quiet, yet also so strong, present and formed the backbone of my new life and world, the connection was with my brave spirit.

Ahhhh, my brave spirit came in the form of a voice and sensations in my body that guided me even when I wasn’t listening.

Holding me and nurturing me every step of the way.

This led me to explore and learn Angel Intuition, clairvoyance, clairaudience, Native American Shamanism, Neuro-Linguistic Programming(NLP) and other healing arts.

Finally I found what I was seeking:

• Connection with my Divine Self, I knew I belonged and I was abundant
• Courage to be my quirky and eccentric self, to allow fun and laughter
• Creativity to express and explore all sides and shapes of ME
• Confidence to be ME and journey into the the world of my brave spirit daily

Let me share with you it hasn’t been easy, journeying to find my brave spirit and then realising it was inside me all along was challenging.

There has been a lot of ducking and weaving, hiding, not listening, going against my intuition and brave-spirit.

Yet every time I don’t listen or hide it is so painful, that I break open again. I am reminded of my brave spirit waiting for me to connect and create in any moment.

 I will no longer hide WHO I AM, it doesn’t serve me.

I am called and compelled to be a mystical midwife for other women who want to be more connected, courageous, creative and confident. To be the brave spirit YOU already are and embody your full originality.

I’m a woman who knows that weight loss was a doorway to my brave spirit and it can be for you too.

 

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